Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be with Ty?

Last May I was involved in a situation that caused me a great deal of distress. This post is not about going over the situation again. It is about emotions, adrenaline, being both right and wrong and the price to be paid.

The scenario played out and I was extremely upset, probably fair to say out of control angry. I was asked to leave the final Senior Year function because I did not have a t-shirt. When I refused to leave the Sheriff was summoned. This is a huge “cut to the chase” of the story, especially for me! By this time I was angry, overwhelmed with emotion and crying. I was out by my car and I called (at midnight) Broadway Baptist Senior Pastor Mark Miller. Bless his heart, he talked to me. The truth is, several parents did offer me their shirts. If I would wait a while, etc. when they left they would give me theirs so I could stay. My answer was an emphatic NO. It was the principle of the thing and I believed with all of my heart I was right. I did not need a shirt, I was a mother who had a right to be there with her child and I was absolutely not backing down. So, while I am carrying on talking to Mark, he raised his voice and he said words I will never, ever forget. “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be with Ty?” He stopped me in my tracks. Truthfully I wanted both. I believed I was right and I believed I had a right to be with Ty. Mark made me think though, and I was actually ready to back down and take someone’s shirt so I could be there with my son. Mark was right and I was wrong. By this time it was too late to change my mind. The Sheriff was waiting for this criminal mom to leave the premises. And I did. My inability to accept the kind gesture of another, because I was right, cost me any chance I might have had to stay and enjoy this time with my son.

Many times since that night, I have heard those words again in my mind. “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be with Ty?” I guess I am asking those reading this to ask yourselves that question. Do you want to be right at all costs? Does the end justify the means? Is the price you are going to pay worth what you are going to miss? I say it is not worth it.

I know people, we all know someone, who has a broken relationship because they are right and the other person is wrong. Often this is the feeling on both sides of the battle. The result is a loss of relationship. A loss of time, something we cannot get back. There will never be another Senior Celebration for Ty. That is over. Just as there with never be another “fill in the blank” for you. Do me a favor and think about it. Decide if that for which you are making a stand is worth what you are losing. Think about “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be with ….?” The simplicity of the statement is very powerful if you will just think about it.

Another reference, a few years ago I had a situation with a family member that blew up. I did not intend for it to happen but it did. This went on for six months or better. Family talking to me, family talking to them…but nothing changed. It was heartbreaking. I cried a great deal because I valued the relationship and loved the person. It hurt others around us because they wanted things to be right again and they were not and there was no end in sight. I skipped a family function because I could not deal with it. This was painful for my mother. I did not want to hurt her, but I was not going to change it. The next family function came around and I went. This family member and I came face to face. I love you’s were exchanged and a big hug and I cried, again. We did not talk about it. I do not believe it was necessary. The time lost was enough and the decision was made in that moment that we did not need to talk about it. There was no value to going through it again. The point is that the love was stronger than the battle. An unspoken agreement to put it to rest was made and kept. The price of keeping the battle raging was just too high.

I ask you today, do you have a relationship that needs mended? Are you losing time with someone you love? These battles hurt far more than those engaged. It hurts everyone you surround yourself with and love. My heart aches for some that I know who have family issues that spill over to the rest of the family. You do not have to feel like you have lost if you give in. You do not have to go back through the original issue. You just have to love and want more than anything to be together. You have to ask yourself, “DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT? OR DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH TY?”

Life is hard, but life is good. Much love.